I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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