sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
