then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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