were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
