Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
