OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
