I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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