just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
