I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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