You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
