Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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