I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
