Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
