Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
