a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
