Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
