She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
MIDGETS
????
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
