If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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