Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
