why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
