why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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