you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
