allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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