If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
