She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
