Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
