I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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