I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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