I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hate all girls vehemently.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
