You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
