I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
