oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
