We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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