just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I will pee on everything he values.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
