I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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