I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
