...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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