I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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