How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
