Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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