bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
