I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
