I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
