Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
