Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
third nipple confirmed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
