he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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