So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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