If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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