hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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