Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
