I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
