It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
