Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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